Do you ever watch movies or play games when there are two forces fighting each other with fierce determination when suddenly a greater evil comes flying out of the ground and this… Thing is so ultimately powerful that in a moment of mutual agreement and because of such dire need, an Alliance was formed to quell this? I often wonder why occasionally this concept is drawn up by people.

I mean, the Bible is clear when it says that salt water and fresh water cannot flow from the same stream. But why is the concept utilized so much? What is it that is so powerful that a person’s good and Evil side unite to overcome? For me, it’s love. The love of love has got me into more trouble than I care to think about. But at the same time, one of the reasons I want to find love so much is because I know that I need a good motivation to not live a decadent lifestyle.

So are the two fighting or uniting for a greater cause? But sure as the gray was formed, the gray must become undone at some point, because weather an alliance was made or not, the Vendetta still exist, and I know for a fact that the two have been fighting each other still using covert and espionage tactics. I feel them fighting within me, and my spirit watches as an innocent bystander as bullets fly back and forth. Both good and bad fighting, having little regard for those caught in between.

I once had a person tell me that maybe I haven’t found a love because I’m not ready for it, and that God wants to grow me more before allowing me this option, because she pointed out that I said at on time that I myself said, “If I ever had to make that choice of choosing her way, or God’s, way, I’m not sure what I would do because I won’t say Goodbye anymore.” That does make since, and I truly value her ideas, but let me flip around the scenario some.

Now, I’m not judging them for an instant. I’m a very moderate person. I don’t care what you choose to do with your life as long as it doesn’t effect mine. I can’t even manage my own life, I’m not going to try to tell someone how to live their own. But There are two girls in My culinary class. One girl has a two-year old son, the other has a son on the way. The pregnant girl comes from a Christian household. Both Date stoners, both of them spend a good portion of the class period on the phone yelling at their boyfriends, and being yelled at. “Fucking bitch and Fucking Bastards” can be heard being exchanged across the phone line.

And yet I’M the one that’s not ready for a relationship?!? I wonder sometimes, Why I seem to be the great exception. I think I Think too much for my own good sometimes. I Remember Tiffany. She was the one that started this. She did save me though, I can give her that. We were together for nearly three years, and the whole time, the only sin our relationship is that we would stay up way too late talking when we should’ve been in bed or doing homework. And I was happy with her. I really was, My book.

Do you know what day it is in four Days Mr. Casimire? Yes, It’s Good Friday. The Day the Lamb was sacrificed to see to it that you didn’t remain a hell-bound heathen. I love my God, my book, I really do. I want him to be happy with me. I hope that my strains towards innocents and Holiness aren’t seen as Pharisaic bullshit. He is such a good doctor, and I am such a dirty whore. I wish that I too could come into the house with a bottle of perfume and wash his feet with it. I cannot wait to meet that woman in Heaven… I envy her, My book.

I’m out of school, and I was thinking about asking her to see a movie with Jonathan and I. The Benchwarmers is showing now. She likes Comedy and so do I. Plus, I would love for him to meet this girl. We could see it in the afternoon and we could do something more social able afterwards like go bowling and something like that. I had a dream of her last night. We were in the movie and it was one of those cheesy moments when we both went for the popcorn at the same time. Our hands touched and her finger pet my wrist, and I looked at her and I smiled, and at that moment, I knew everything made since and was going to be okay. I had a Deja vu Sunday. My friend Jonathan said that it means that I’m where I’m supposed to be. I think I’ll invite her to spend some of the afternoon with us, My Book.
Are you ready for that, Anthony Casimire? Are you ready to move on, Try again? Touch the fence? Walk up to the window? I’ve known her a while My book, Two years… an Afternoon with her? Are you really ready for that? I don’t know, but I’m sick of feeling the Rain, I’m sick of grays, I’m sick of the truama and Drama, I’m sick of nails being pounded into my coffin. I want the sun to fill my world again. I’m ready to awake from this nightmare. I’m going to open up again, hopefully I will not be broken, or at least be able to reach beyond the pain, Like a Flower in the Rain.

(With That, Anthony closed the Black Book, Blew out the candle and Lay down for some much needed Rest)

There will be a ver long, very vivid and real Post made this Afternoon. Thank you for your patience

This morning, I found out what’s been going on with Laya. I tried to say Hi to her again, this morning, tried to talk, but nothing happened. I was at school early and I go the urge to go to the Cafeteria to eat breakfast, so I did. I ate my food and she came in, arm and arm with another guy.

It was beautiful, absolutely Beautiful. I was sitting in my spot, eating my crappy biscuits and gravy. She came in, and I watched her. She looked at me, and I looked at her, she looked at me, I looked at her boyfriend and she looked at her boyfriend. I looked back at her, she back at I, then we both just watched. She unfixed her gaze, and sat down. I eroded my crappy food, got up and left.