Normally, I really don’t dig too much into politics. I’m not sure if what I say ever really refers to any political agenda actually. My main stance is actually somewhat moderate. I more lean to the liberal side. I do have some conservative traits, but for the most part, I don’t care what people do as long as it doesn’t threaten my life or the life of those I love. You can probably imagine where I have come to these conclusions.

I, myself like to consider myself a God-loving and God-fearing person. I hate it, however when people try to bring religion into the political region. I’m really not a popular person in the religious department actually. I have this brutally honest nature that drives controlling people insane. I was very insulted when people, last elections when preachers and church people acted like a vote for Kerry was selling your soul and your country to Satan himself. (Yes, around here that was the case…)

I don’t care about what people do behind their doors. I can’t even manage my life, why the hell would I want to manage the lives of others as well? I don’t mind different opinions and outlooks. I want is to be treated with dignity and respect; in return I give it to others. Most of the people I know feel the same.

I am, however concerned about the future of our nation. Everything is going down in America. I believe our nation is dieing from the inside. People are so busy pointing at others that they are not examining and improving themselves. All people care about is money. Jobs are going over the boarders, leadership has become simply about power and money. Every thing is about money and control.

It’s became where people can’t even walk out of their house without being afraid of something. Terrorists, bird flu, mad cow, the list goes on and on and on. I walk out of my house every day and I never get shot at, haven’t been in any way remotely threatened, and I haven’t gotten sick. I used to walk all over my neighborhood until I got a job, and on my off days, I still do. Even in nice weather I never see anyone. When I look at a house, I see all these pre-mature graves of all these people that never leave their fucking home.

Yeah, we have little maggots that get us from here to there that we like to call “Cars” but other than that, where are the people? Look hard through the shaded glass and booming base, and you might see a person. I walk around yards that have good grass, trampolines, swimming pools, gyms for kids, but I never see anyone. It’s like people have this mentality that while they’re still alive, they want the biggest, best, glorious casket in the neighborhood. They want only the shiniest, most expensive maggot/larva to burrow into this casket. Even though when finally they physically die, they lay in the same dark earthen compost that everyone else will too within lie.

I have good friends, and we hang out all the time, but I never see other people other than those coming to get the food I make or more shinnies for their little grave. I never see anyone, and it sickens me. Regarding more political matters is the ignorance of this nation continues to stifle me. Do people not see that we are going the same way all the great empires fell? Babylon, Persia, Greece, Rome…They all fell the same way we’re spiraling now.

People became gluttons. People became selfish, people became lazy and ignorant, People became too dependant on their government. The less people depend on their government, the better off both the government and the people are. If people are independent and doing good, than that means that the government is doing it’s job.

It has come to the point where people are willing to sacrifice freedom for “Security.” Another group of people had the same fear dictate their lives at one time. This group of people were called “Germany.” One man promised that he would bring back to them security and power. Being broken, terrified, and terribly insecure, they put this man in power. In the end, millions of people died, most of which being civilians. Countless of nations had to rise against him, and in the end, it wasn’t over until two Japanese cities were flattened. Each by a single bomb. This bomb, and others like it now remain the key reason war is fought today.

Yeah, that’s a good quick-fix, “Lets make a bigger bomb! That‘ll bring more peace!” (Rolls eyes.) I appreciate what our boys do over seas, and in no way do I disgrace them, or veterans; but all these wars, all these bigger bombs, all these better toys…have they Really helped solve the problem? We have Hydrogen bombs, they’re cool they’ll heat ground zero to five times the temperature of the sun for a microscopic amount of time as well as flatten everything in a fifty mile radius, yeah, that’ll solve the problem… If the solution is a bigger weapon, than why aren’t things better?

Lets take a walk through time. The first weapons were more than likely tools for hunting. Sticks and rocks. Stick go, whap! Rock goes Crush! Stick + Rock= axe of some sort. (Stick + Fire)+Rock=Metal. Metal VERY useful. Metal makes good things. Metal also can be sharp. Now instead of crush and whap, weapons slice. Slicing isn’t good enough. Metal + chemistry equals guns, IMPRESSIVE. It only gets worse. I think you see where the rest goes.

Something that also scares me is the fact that fear takes the wheel of so many people’s lives. I saw a bumper sticker that said, “There is no freedom without Security.” To that I say a number of things, but the only witty, (Or nice) Thing I have to say about that is, “Freedom is the ultimate form of security.” I think it’s kind of ironic. When this country was founded, it was based on the fact that the government doesn’t have the right to abuse those under it.

Here we are now condoning the Patriot Act and approving of torture. What does America loose next, Our right to speak out? Is life really worth living if it is lived in a cage? Originally we used the excuse of Saddam as an excuse to invade Iraq. Saddam, as we know tortured his own civilians, used a religion’s guidelines to refuse rights to minorities, or unpopular factions of people. (Infidels, non-believers and so on.) He also invaded weaker, neutral countries. If Bush wants to see who the next big ringleader of terrorist activity, America should tell him to look into his Fucking Mirror!

Why hello there all my fellow bloggers. Today is a day of… just –Bleah- thousands of words and emotions can be crammed into a single word that you can’t even find in the dictionary. Just –Bleah-! Well, it’s actually a sound, not a word.

Tonight I have off, but I’m going to spend my time working on an interior design class. Luckily, I really can’t do anything until my mom gets home. I’m going to sit in front of my TV, slide the third season of South Park, and I’m going to absolutely rot my mind until my mom gets home. When she gets home, I’ll put my project together and then maybe watch more South Park. Either that or I’ll play Halo or watch the Simpsons or something. Either way, I know whatever I may do, before or after my project will involve me on my ass.

Anyway, yesterday really took a downward spiral. I didn’t have time to write about it, but that’s probably for the better. I wrote about it in the Black Book. It basically involved a big scare as well as a massive train of thought wreck. Yes, my train of thought not only derailed, but slammed into another train of thought. That’s the best metaphor I can think of to explain. It was nothing more than a scare, so I will mention it no more.

The good news is that I got Tasha’s phone number! I may not see her at school after Wednesday, but we can call each other and hang out sometime. I need to find time to do it, but our Bosses at BYB are pretty good about keeping my hours part time. I can’t wait to see where this goes. This is the closest I’ve gotten to being with a girl in a long time. I’m not going to rush or stress over anything, I want this to work, and I’m going to be careful about it.

The bad news being that the guy that annoys her over heard me getting it and now has it too. I hope he doesn’t bother her. Nothing ever comes easily. He didn’t even get it from her. I asked, and he wrote it on himself when she gave it to me. Now that really makes me mad. Out of desperation, I have done dumb things, but even I have more valor than to get what I want by overhearing.

Anyway, I’m sure that things will go fine. What would a story be without conflict? I’m trying to decide what we could do. There’s not a lot to do around here…especially in the winter months. We could go bowling, or movies or something. I’m sure we could think of something. Anyway, I’m just ranting… I’ll sign off now

Anthony Casimire signing off

My life has been very good recently. I worked most of the weekend. Six hours was spent at Back Yard Burger, (AKA BYB) on Saturday and Sunday. The rest was spent TRYING to get a project done for a class. Saturday and Sunday were stressful at first. I told my mom way in advance that I would need her undivided attention for these days, but she blew me off, and spent the majority of Saturday attending to My brother's wants rather than my needs.

Sunday we ran around town in a tizzy doing what I originally planned to do Saturday. We were out for four hours before I had to go to work and STILL didn’t get done. The whole time I get reminding her that I TOLD her that I needed her undivided attention Saturday, but what do I know? I guess I’m not such a stupid ass after all.

Friday night was a blast. I think everyone on cleanup was running dangerously low on energy. We were being very weird. It was funny though. We listened to the radio and the dishes crew and many others started singing along to “My Hump.” One guy asked me how I knew the song since I had previously told them that I hated our Pop radio station. I told him, “I’ve herd this song twice. The first time I was trying to find a Jazz station, the second time was in my culinary arts class. The first time I heard it, it was stuck in my head for two days, much to my regret…”

So yeah, it was funny watching and participating in a group of 18-27 year old guys singing “My Hump.” I think somebody might have laced our machinery with something illegal… Than, after that, the song by Pink, that goes, “Everybody at the party on a Saturday night, everybody’s waiting for me to arrive…” We sang that one too. I only know bits in pieces, but (we were closed at this time.) When it got to the line where it sings, “I’ll be burning rubber; you’ll be kissin’ my ass.” We all sang that line really, REALLY loudly.

I came back around the corner towing some crap, and the managers sat around a small table, exchanged looks and started laughing. My co-workers kick ass. Management is very professional, but equally liberal. I LOVE my job… Anyway, I’ll report later, I got here early and I’m going to get some food.

Well, it’s good to be blogging again. My life again, as usual refuses me the luxury of simplicity. That’s okay though. I wouldn’t trade it for a boring life to save the one I live now. Things are good actually. My mind is being tugged around between Monica and Tasha. Tasha is again involved with me. She doesn’t call me, but was thoroughly and genuinely interested in what I had to say.

Today, I told her about my book I’m writing. Vargas Anador, my trilogy. I’m also writing a comedy novel, which she also thought was funny in spite of its morbidly absurd humor. She seemed sad about the fact that I was leaving the class after Wednesday. I gave her my number, I’m not sure why she doesn’t call, but then again, I’ve been working, so I wouldn’t be able to talk her even if she did.

I think Monday I’ll get her number. I know how to use the phone. If she wants me to chase, I’ll humor her. Right now, I’m in the process of just talking process. I really can’t make my choice who I want to be with because things are in their early stages. I want a friend that I can have a deeper relationship with, but I can’t be putting the cart before the horse so to speak.

I want to have a loving relationship, both socially and physically, but everyone knows smoke comes before fire. But right now, there is nothing. I’m friends with both Tasha and Monica. I want to get to know them more. I’m going to ask Monica if she’d like to see a movie with me on my next night out. It’s just kind of hard thinking it through because I have no desire to be a “Player” of some sort, I just want to spend time with them so I can get to know them better, because only then will I have enough knowledge to make a choice so to speak.

There’s really no guarantee that either of the two will work. I do have a good friendship with these girls though. If they reject me, it’s not like it will be a flaking. It will hurt a little, but that’s Life.

Anyway, I have to work tonight and I can do it. I’ve been asleep before 11:30 for two nights in a row and am ready to grab the fryer by the baskets!!(LOL) I also get paid tonight which is definitely a plus. Yeah! I’ll be able to get some gifts; and money to fuel and appease my ridiculous dating habits.

Well, last night was, strange. I went into work for an hour, and one of our experienced workers didn’t get fired after all. I got to go to an FFH (Christian pop group) concert with my youth group. I was pretty much alone the whole time. I got to see Wind, and talked to some of my friends, but for the most part, I was terribly lonely. I felt really out of place, in work clothes and both in attitude, and even music taste wise.

I’m more of a metal fan myself. I really wish I knew what was going on with this girl, but just asking her would be weird. Did someone speak to her about our friendship in an unrealistic or negative way? I like her, a lot, and I didn’t get mushy with her. Nothing has changed about me since that day she held me. I’m not sure what it is, maybe she’s afraid of her emotions, maybe someone is going around me to fill her with nonsense; maybe she just had a complete shift in what she thinks about me. If someone is going around me, I’m going to be very, very pissed.

I just don’t like being led on. Brick walls should not masquerade themselves as doors. I don’t mind being her friend and nothing more. I WANT to be her friend, but this weird fluctuating is driving me CRAZY! Is honesty really too much to ask for?

It just sucks being at a concert alone, seeing everyone with their friends and significant others. Here I am in a burger boy outfit watching all the preppy Holister kids walking around with utopia in their eyes and a face for every side of their head. It’s almost lunch time.

Lunch was a good break. I got to see more of my friends. It turns out I was a little slow on the draw with Monica. She’s actually getting back together with her Ex. I’m not sure though. Hope isn’t something that I easily give up. Hope is about as mandatory in my life as the oxygen I breathe. Also, I consulted a friend of mine on the whole ordeal and I’m awaiting a reply. Needless to say the fact that she talked about getting back with him adds complications as it is, I still need advice on how to deal with Emily, whom I know will not respond to this with good favor.

I know that there is nothing wrong with what I’m doing, but I do care for Emily because not only am I putting her and my relationship at stake, I might be putting her and Monica’s relationship at the same time. There is always the question of ethics when it comes to these things. Emily and I went out twice. The first time after nine months, she broke up with me because I was not a religious person. I, at this time, last year was dumped because I was hard-core agnostic. I believed in God, but I HATED Him.

When school started this year, we got to talking and I told her that I was a different person. We started going out briefly after another one of my attempted relationships had a hard belly-up. During the course of this dating period, (which lasted only for a week) I realized that I wasn’t the only one that had changed over the summer. When Emily and I went on two dates in one week. Once to the carnival and once to the Cheap Seats. On both these dates, I had to talk her out of getting stoned, and several times, I was being egged into doing this.

I know you only live once, you’re only young once, and life should be a naked party, but pot is not a good thing to get into. My town is the meth capital of the state and believe me, it shows. This town is a ghost town. Our population is growing, but everyone here is dead. There’s no ambition here. There’s no future in this town. Only hotels, a great multitude of fast food, two hospitals, five factories, and two drug arrest for every day of the week. Yeah, that’s The future I’m looking for…

Anyway, I too had my part in the quick collapse of this relationship. I became numb, and too realized that I in fact, felt nothing for her. I was using her as a rebound, and I felt terrible about it. The break hurt her deeply, and she is only getting worse. I cannot help her though. I told her she should quit and be at school more often, but meth changes people very, very quickly. I lost someone I deeply love to it. I miss her so much. The worst part is; I lost her, but I don’t know if I LOST her. When we broke up, she was acting terribly foolish and I would not be surprised if one day I went to visit her and her mom and be told that she was dead.

That was a REALLY long time ago though.